Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
