You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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