Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
