you have to choose: penises or morals?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
