chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
