Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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