I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
