Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
