The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
