Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
