I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
