We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i believe in u and ur pee
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