did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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