I hope mine doesn't look like that
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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