"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Every concussion has its silver lining
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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