I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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