Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
