The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
