Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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