Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
