He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
