"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
