I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
