I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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