I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
