you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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