the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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