we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
