I feel like abortions should bother me more
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
