She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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