Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
