i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
