Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
