your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
