if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
