i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
