if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
