I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
