This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
