This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
