I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
