Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
