How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
