I just threw up on my dentist
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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