At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize