It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
