just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
