they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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