ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
