her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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