Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
