hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Apparently you make a good broom.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
