Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
