idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
