new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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