If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
