Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
