I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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