I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
