Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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