He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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