You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I cut my penus on the lid.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
