I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
