Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
