A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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